Do I look like a sandwich artist?

Maybe I'm too used to fast food places being convenient, but I find Subway annoying. When I walk up to the counter and tell the "sandwich artist" I want a foot-long Teriyaki Chicken sub on whole-wheat, they take out a bun, cut it open, and say, "what would you like on that?"

Didn't I just say I want a Teriyaki Chicken sub? I want Teriyaki Chicken stuff on it, wise guy. All you've given me so far is a bun. There's nothing particularly Teriyaki-Chickenish about that, is there? Unless this is one of those Zen things and the bun already has Teriyaki Chicken nature.

What if I said I don't want anything on it, I just want a regular Teriyaki Chicken sub? Would you sell me just the bun? Six bucks for a chunk of bread? "What are you eating, Jan, a chunk of bread?" "No, it's a Subway Teriyaki Chicken sub; I just didn't get any of the extras."

I can see being asked if I want salt or pepper, but if I tell you anything more am I not then doing your job? Don't you know how to make a Teriyaki Chicken sub?

What if I ask for Texas hot sauce? Now it's not a Teriyaki Chicken sub anymore, is it? Now it's like a Teriyaki Buffalo Wing sub. So why did you bother asking? In fact, why spend all that money keeping your menu up to date when you only really sell one thing: a bun. "What would you like on it?"

You know what... motor oil. Put motor oil on it. Isn't that how they make Teriyaki Chicken subs? No? Well I didn't know that, did I? If I knew how to make one wouldn't I have my own Subway franchise? Wouldn't I be standing on that side of the counter, harassing hungry people?

You don't see McDonald's asking what you want on your Big Mac. "Yeah, I'll have a hamburger pattie, some lettuce, tomatoes, onions, industrial waste, pond scum..." or whatever it is that gives Big Macs that special flavour.

I'm thinking next time I go to Subway I'll order the cheapest sub they have advertised — the Veggie sub — and when they ask me what I would like on it I'll say, "I'll have a piece of chicken cooked in Teriyaki sauce, please."

Hey, you asked.

Global Warming

There are more and more electric and hybrid vehicles on the roads, lately. When we had to get a new van last summer we considered getting one ourselves. Still too expensive, though.

Everyone's been talking about Global Warming. Global Warming of Earth, that is. But guess what? Some of the many probes and automated robotic vehicles scientists have sent to Mars have been sending back temperature data, and after looking at global temperature records for the past few years scientist found that Mars is warming too.

What's the connection between Mars and Earth? Must be all those electric vehicles. Talk about irony.

Mexican vacation pt. 2 (Jan. 19 - 26 '07)

We had an extremely enjoyable and relaxing time our first week in Mexico.

Our second week in Mexico was at the Gran Flamenco Xcaret. We had a busier time there but it was an absolute blast.

Windows for Warships

Apparently the British Royal Navy will have all their warships running Windows at some point. I can see it now. Rebooting your destroyer while under enemy fire... re-registering with Microsoft after launching a cruise missile... DRM licensing issues when eavesdropping on foreign communiques...

Maybe that's what the Japanese run their whaling fleet on, too.

Crashing airplane computer systems

I just read a story about a guy who crashed the entertainment system on an airplane.

He was playing the game Tetris on the seatback screen. Tetris is a game in which you line up shapes falling from the top of the screen so they form complete lines at the bottom. There was an option in the game to preview the next shapes to fall. He pressed the + sign on the screen to increase the preview to 4, which was the maximum. He noticed that the seat phone keypad also controlled the screen (for changing channels, for example), and he used this to enter 5 for the preview. A bug in the game!

He then pressed + again and it went to 6. Another bug. He kept on pressing + until it got to 127, the largest signed number that will fit in a byte. He pressed + one more time and all the passengers' screens went blank as the entire entertainment system crashed.

I just hope the flight control system wasn't written by the same programmers.